21

A friend of mine wrote this for me. To the person who wrote this, thank you (and don't think I won't get you back *sinisterlaugh*)

21 Facts about Angel

21. Back in our freshman year, in Kalayaan, she used to wake up at 4 am just to beat the shower line.
20. She loves basketball, but her sport is bowling- I think I'm the only one who has ever seen her play- perfect strikes all around.
19. She is VERY clumsy, but is perfectly graceful when skating.
18. She has excessive knowledge about weird stuff (ex. Druids, Aztecs, verdulak, etc. etc.)
17. She solved the mystery of something (clue: her favorite book), and knows how it will end.
16. She is extremely finicky about her handwriting.
15. Sometimes, if you speak to her in pure Filipino, she does not understand you, she just pretends to.
14. She looooooves to read.
13. She looooooves to eat, especially sweets, but she does not seem to gain weight.
12. She gets sunburned very easily, hence the dollops of sunblock.
11. She loves to take care of people. If you're her friend, you're very lucky.
10. She hates to get her picture taken in studios. If you persuaded her to smile for you in a picture, you're extremely special.
9. She can write.
8. She can draw. If you want to see her work, get down on your knee in front of her and embarrass her until she shoves her sketchbook at you.
7. Very recently, she got into extreme sports.
6. She is very grateful to UP APSM especially 2k4A.
5. She won't let you down.
4. She looks young for her age (clue: the number above).
3. She is a SPOILED BRAT.
2. Do not be fooled by her soft voice and doe eyes. This girl is very strong. If you piss her off, she'll hurt you where you are most vulnerable. She can kill with her words. Trust me, you do not want to fight with her.
1. She has the sweetest smile you'll ever see.

Pierce the Valley

You. Yeah you, the one currently reading this. If you know me well, then you would know why the title of this post is as such.

Los Angeles. The City of Angels. I have been here for a month and I miss all my friends terribly. My ribs hurt due to the awful cough that I have been nursing for quite a few days now. The weather is damn cold, even Baguio in December is way warmer. Prec, in one of her e-mails to the APSM yahoogroups asked me to relate what I have been doing here. So if you have nothing to do, grab a warm cup of coffee and sit back, you’re in for a long, albeit a very interesting (or so I hope) read.

First stop. The Jetsons. Well, at least that was what came to my mind upon getting out of the airplane. Let me tell you, the Los Angeles International Airport is fantastic! I was in absolute awe of the architecture of the airport. Strangely though, it reminded me of the famous cartoon series the Jetsons. Huh. Oh yeah, the grueling plane trip itself was mostly uneventful- the sheer highlight of the 16-hour flight was when the plane rocked a little upon hitting some sort of kerfuffle (if you don’t read Harry Potter, then you won’t know what this means) in the air. That and the four year old Korean girl behind my seat intent on relentlessly tugging my hair until I stared at her baring my evil fangs.

We then arrived at my Nanay’s (grandma) house and after I let her deplore how despicably thin I was getting, she force fed (hehe) me four to five servings of everything on the table. After that, I discovered that I had no sense of the time or date whatsoever, and I was feeling a bit (a lot, I think) woozy. Must be a case of serious jet lag, either that or too much chocolate (the latter, I bet). So I took a bath (yes, I am obsessed with taking baths) and went to sleep.

The city government said that Los Angeles is suffering from air pollution. My mind’s eye went back to Manila and I scoffed at that declaration. Los Angeles is very clean. Los Angeles is terribly beautiful.

To keep you reading (and so I won’t sound like a tourist guidebook), here is a glimpse of Los Angeles through my eyes (wide-eyed, drooling tourist), from places that I deem worthy of my interest to those most worthy (I simply cannot find a sight least worthy, if you know what I mean) Here goes (boy, I hope I paint this right)…

First Stop. Santa Monica. We live in West LA, very near Santa Monica. To those who have watched Bruce Almighty, remember when Jim Carrey says b-e-a-uuuutifuul? Well, no other word to describe Santa Monica. Santa Monica Bay. Santa Monica Pier. My body and brains were not cooperating with each other due to the sheer excitement of my foot actually landing on Santa Monica Pier. Wow. I feigned nonchalance though, for fear of abduction, but my eyes were wide as I tried to soak up every sight in front of me. We drove past theatres and auditoriums; most significant is the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium- gorgeous and palatial. My grandma got tired of driving, so we walked along Palisades Park which had a nice view of the ocean. Spent a good chunk of one whole day sight-seeing and picture-taking in Santa Monica before going home. Oh yeah, on the drive home, my stomach hurt a lot, what with the infusion of junk food and more junk food. I’m never eating pizza again (for the next two days at least, hehe.)

Next stop. Game 6. PHOENIX SUNS versus Los Angeles Lakers. Staples Stadium. Ok, admittedly, this is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. The Phoenix Suns is my absolute favorite basketball team in the world. Seeing Kobe-I’m-an-arrogant-devil-kill-me-now-Bryant get beaten on his home court is priceless. (Yes friends, I adore basketball. I never let you guys notice because that would shatter the nice and sugary image that I supposedly have *sinisterwink*) Raja Bell is the hottest guy ever placed on the basketball court- he was suspended for apparently shoving Kobe, but hey, that just goes to show. Kobe is in desperate need for a shove to his arrogant head. I had to restrain myself from calling out “I adore you!!!” to Steve Nash (two-time MVP), reminding myself that this is a basketball game, not a rock concert. I saw Charlize Theron (well, the back of her gorgeous head) and Denzel Washington.

Next stop. Griffith Park and Los Angeles Zoo. Griffith Park is home to the Griffith Park Observatory, Griffith Park Ampitheatre, and the huuuge Los Angeles Zoo, which in turn is home to over a thousand animals (I had this bizarre feeling of being right-at-home in the zoo… kidding.) When I was looking at snakes, I was kind of hoping that the glass would vanish (Harry Potter book 1), but hey, no such luck. Admission was 10 dollars (No, I do not want to contemplate how much that is in Philippine peso, please don’t make me.) The zoo was great; they even had this tour thing where you ride on carriage thingies because the zoo, as I said earlier, is way colossal. I’m thoroughly reminded of UP Diliman and the APSM tambayan (LA zoo-UP, APSM-animals in zoo. Kidding. Hehe.) Oh, I saw some koala bears and chimpanzees. They wanted to get out and go see the Philippines (Nyahaha). Ok, for those who want to hear more zoo adventures and mishaps, e-mail me, otherwise, I go on to the most exciting part- Hollywood. The Hollywood sign can be seen in Griffith Park, by the way.

After my grandma finally persuaded me that no, snakes don’t talk, and no, koala bears do not eat chocolate, and finally no, broomsticks don’t fly (I’m such an eccentric person), and after a whole day of bonding with animals and non-animals at the zoo, we went home and prepared ourselves for Hollywood the next day. Remember my excitement in Santa Monica? Well, nothing could have prepared me for this. Hollywood. Wow. I wanted to stay. I kept wishing that my head could turn a full 360 degrees so that I could take in everything that I was seeing. I mean, my hands were cold and trembling from the excitement, thank goodness I did not pass out. I once heard that to visit Los Angeles and not see the Grauman’s Chinese Theater is like visiting China and not seeing the Great Wall. So ok, picture this- a petite 20 year old girl standing in front of the theater, mouth hanging open in astonishment. Yup, that was me, looking up at the theater. What happened when I looked down? I saw prints of well-renowned and much-respected people of the entertainment industry. I saw the print of Durante’s nose (why anyone would willingly press his nose on wet cement, I have no idea), McQueen’s shoeprints, Henjie’s ice skating blades, and many more. I wish that I was capable of freezing time, I wanted to savor every moment in that place, go through every minute detail, and moreover, I wish that I had Dumbledore’s pensieve so that I could go back to that blissful memory everyday. I kept also wishing that Dom-the-movie-buff was there too, so that we could be speechless, wide-eyed tourists together. Next, we saw the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Odditorium, and of course the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Hey, I just had a wild thought. Hollywood deserves a much better treatment than this, so I’ll end this for now. My next post will be devoted entirely to Hollywood in all its magnificence.

For now, I will leave you with a question that has been haunting me for quite a few years now- According to Hogwarts, A History, you can’t apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts. So, how did Dobby and Kreacher, house elves, manage to do it?

When the Sun Sets...

The land of sunshine, beaches, and surfboards. The California of my childhood. California lovin’
Not.
I miss the Philippines.
One person in particular.

When I can say something more substantial than “I’m sorry”… Then I will come back.
The past is past… Give me time to let it go completely.
I cannot say something about the future, for I cannot foretell what is yet to come.
I can only speak of the present.

Promises are sacred.
Patience is a virtue.

When I come back, I want nothing more than to be able to…
Come back to you.

One loves the sunset only when one is sad…

Ashes

The howling wind is cold on my skin despite the fact that it is the summer. Strands of windblown hair flap on my face as I lift my chin up to the clear, starry sky and slowly close my heavy eyes. For a while, I soak on the warmth of my fondest memories…

The sound of my tapping heels echo on the hard floor of AS. I find myself in the East Wing, eerie shadows looming over every step I make. I pass room 121, where most of our Constitution Committee meetings were held. I look away. As if in a dream, I float to our tambayan, I am well aware that my feet are not touching the ground anymore. The APSM tambayan. If tambayans could talk, what would this one say? It has heard amazing conversations, adjudicated intelligent debates, harbored deep secrets, seen arguments, and has been the ultimate witness to the camaraderie and the bond linking the members of this prestigious organization. I sit on the dilapidated and well-worn bench, surprised that I seemed weightless. My misty eyes travel to the bulletin boards- the harbingers of the organization. How proud must they be, especially the one which has held impressive rosters of members, members for which the phrase “Because true gold is forged in flames” stands true. I stand up and run my transparent hands over the cabinet, now empty except for a few ashes here and there. I shift to the right and see the pole, the one to the left of the uneven stairs leading to the gate. This pole has been witness to every tear shed by each applicant who dared brave the perils of the organization’s application process. I smile fondly at the memory my own trek up Mount Olympus, accompanied by people who will be cherished in my heart forever. I lift my head up and my eyes meet a very lovely site- the enclave. It seems so sturdy, so constant. Many of my days were spent in this enclave. I now float on it and sit, and recall lovely memories that summon bubbles of laughter up my throat…

I open my arms wide, much like the position of the Oblation, and hope to embrace something that is precious and sacred of this organization- UP APSM

I hear my name being called… I raise my right hand in a forlorn wave and blow the sweetest kiss…

I open my eyes.

When days turn to nights...

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a wood nymph. I am a sorceress. I have battled dragons, the fiercest warlocks, and army after army of Roman soldiers. And I have defeated them all. Yeah baby.

"I wish I knew how to quit you..." Brokeback Mountain should have won the statue!

I’m in Baguio. I’m home. I should be happy right? I should be bustling about, savoring the vacation, and generally just be content doing nothing. Hell no. I hate not doing anything. So right now, while the Eraserheads CD is blaring on the background, I’m busy updating this blog and creating testimonials for everyone dear to me.

I hate contemplating. Well, nice and sappy things are welcome thoughts, but the mind’s eye eventually goes to the damp and dark crevices where ugly thoughts are hidden *painful shrug*. Some people generally get surprised when I get mad. Hey, head’s up. Just because a person looks like that someone who gets trampled on in sappy telenovelas- the sweet, soft-spoken, and vulnerable one, just because she looks that way, it does not mean that she is. Hell no. Far from it. Way, way far. I do have advantages though. When I get mad, I get taken seriously. That’s because I rarely burst out. Now, maybe, I would like to remind everyone that just because I had thrown some vicious words, given some chilling glances, and given someone that 20-degrees-below-zero-oh-crap-it’s-freezing-cold-shoulder, does not mean that I have somehow turned into a vicious man-eating monster. No. I’m still me. And a little bit more that is.

My mom constantly rags on me about the way I look. How I have not combed my hair. How I wear shirts with little holes on them. How my hair is so freakin’ flat (I guess she wants hair that jumps up. Huh.) How I eat sweets A LOT. How much I read (she worries about my eyes) and why I don’t like to wear contacts (the mere thought of touching my eye is inexplicably gruesome). How young I look (she thinks I could pass for a high school student). How thin I am, despite everything I eat ( I protest though. I am not thin, I am just “a person with a small frame” *quoting Mara and Val*). What else? Oh yeah- “Why can’t you ever be like your sister, she is so concerned about her appearance” Uh, excuse me? For vanity, my sister puts milk and mashed bananas on her face. For me, milk is for drinking and bananas are… well… never liked bananas. As for putting those on my face? Never. My mind goes to thoughts of puke and slasher movies (hey, see for yourself, mash bananas, milk, and oatmeal together).

I wish that there is a beach on my backyard. Highly impossible, of course, what with me living on the highlands, but it would be perfect though, if I could sleep on the sand and let the warm water of the ocean splash my toes from time to time. *dreamy smile*

I miss my friends. Back in that crazy, rumbling, pollution-laden metropolis. *slumps down dejectedly*

...And I don't know why...

I want to remember.

I want to sit on the road that I walked everyday as a freshman- the walk between AS and Kalai. I want to remember how I used to stand there at 7 in the morning, camera in hand, trying to capture how the rays of the sun make the dew-kissed leaves glisten in the early morning sunshine.

I want to remember my days as an ROTC cadet- welcoming the dawn of a new week every Sunday amidst a sea of red berets.

I want to remember my first meeting with my blockmates in the lagoon, our struggles through Math 17, and the happy times that we have spent together, pretending that we weren't scared and nervous about the challenges that we have to face in this rumbling university.

Most of all though, when I think about my freshman year, my mind wanders to thoughts of you, like a favorite book wanting to be opened again. How you waited for me patiently for three hours because I had forgotten about you. How you gave me the name "Angel" when we first met. How you lent me your eyeglasses because i misplaced mine. Most of all, I remember the way you look at me- the way that you tilt your head to the right, your lips giving a slight quiver that would eventually grow into a smile that would light up your whole face starting from the lips and reaching your eyes. Your eyes- endless black pools that could see into mine as if trying to reach out.

You frightened me then. I was young and rather reckless, choosing to stay with someone who has a strong taste for adventure, rather than someone who I knew was going to be the one constant presence in my very dynamic life.

You still frighten me now. I'm still young and rather reckless, though accompanied by deep scars that run through my body with every breath that I take.

But I want to remember. Most of all, I don't want to walk away this time.

YOU ARE MY SALVATION AND MY PUNISHMENT

Every painful strike that you receive means that you are still in the fight...
I try to be strong everyday. I go to sleep every night with tears in my eyes but I'm always hoping that the next day will finally be the day that I get to be happy again. Come to think of it, I think I've forgotten how it feels to be happy... How many more painful strikes can I take before I crumble? I don't think I can fight anymore.
I am just a figment of your imagination...
Who among you can say that you know the real me? I don't even recognize myself anymore. All the things that used to define me, the things that made me ME, are gone. I am so far away from myself.
I am shivering from the cold...
The air is warm, but I can't stop shivering. I am so cold. I feel so alone. I know it's deadly for me to think that I am alone, but I can't help it. What you see is only a facade, hiding layers and layers of the real me. I am encased in ice and no one can melt this wall that I have enclosed myself in.
I saw you in a dream last night...
For a minute there, I thought I was fine. I thought I was ok. I even fooled myself into thinking that I was already happy. But then you came back into my life last November. Everything happens for a reason, and i tried so damn hard to think of the reason why fate brought you back. Now I know. For the past few months, I've shielded myself from any kind of feeling. I was not happy, neither was I sad. I turned myself into a robot. And now you came back because I needed to realize something. I still love you. But you walked away again...
You are my salvation and my punishment...
I have long since lost any hope for us. I've extinguished whatever remaining cinder there is. But I will continue loving you.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, minsan lang ako magmamahal. I am forever thankful to you for giving me that chance. But I believe that true love comes only once. So... as long as she makes you happy...

Life. Ouch. What the hell did I do to you anyway.