YOU ARE MY SALVATION AND MY PUNISHMENT

Every painful strike that you receive means that you are still in the fight...
I try to be strong everyday. I go to sleep every night with tears in my eyes but I'm always hoping that the next day will finally be the day that I get to be happy again. Come to think of it, I think I've forgotten how it feels to be happy... How many more painful strikes can I take before I crumble? I don't think I can fight anymore.
I am just a figment of your imagination...
Who among you can say that you know the real me? I don't even recognize myself anymore. All the things that used to define me, the things that made me ME, are gone. I am so far away from myself.
I am shivering from the cold...
The air is warm, but I can't stop shivering. I am so cold. I feel so alone. I know it's deadly for me to think that I am alone, but I can't help it. What you see is only a facade, hiding layers and layers of the real me. I am encased in ice and no one can melt this wall that I have enclosed myself in.
I saw you in a dream last night...
For a minute there, I thought I was fine. I thought I was ok. I even fooled myself into thinking that I was already happy. But then you came back into my life last November. Everything happens for a reason, and i tried so damn hard to think of the reason why fate brought you back. Now I know. For the past few months, I've shielded myself from any kind of feeling. I was not happy, neither was I sad. I turned myself into a robot. And now you came back because I needed to realize something. I still love you. But you walked away again...
You are my salvation and my punishment...
I have long since lost any hope for us. I've extinguished whatever remaining cinder there is. But I will continue loving you.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, minsan lang ako magmamahal. I am forever thankful to you for giving me that chance. But I believe that true love comes only once. So... as long as she makes you happy...

Life. Ouch. What the hell did I do to you anyway.