...And I don't know why...

I want to remember.

I want to sit on the road that I walked everyday as a freshman- the walk between AS and Kalai. I want to remember how I used to stand there at 7 in the morning, camera in hand, trying to capture how the rays of the sun make the dew-kissed leaves glisten in the early morning sunshine.

I want to remember my days as an ROTC cadet- welcoming the dawn of a new week every Sunday amidst a sea of red berets.

I want to remember my first meeting with my blockmates in the lagoon, our struggles through Math 17, and the happy times that we have spent together, pretending that we weren't scared and nervous about the challenges that we have to face in this rumbling university.

Most of all though, when I think about my freshman year, my mind wanders to thoughts of you, like a favorite book wanting to be opened again. How you waited for me patiently for three hours because I had forgotten about you. How you gave me the name "Angel" when we first met. How you lent me your eyeglasses because i misplaced mine. Most of all, I remember the way you look at me- the way that you tilt your head to the right, your lips giving a slight quiver that would eventually grow into a smile that would light up your whole face starting from the lips and reaching your eyes. Your eyes- endless black pools that could see into mine as if trying to reach out.

You frightened me then. I was young and rather reckless, choosing to stay with someone who has a strong taste for adventure, rather than someone who I knew was going to be the one constant presence in my very dynamic life.

You still frighten me now. I'm still young and rather reckless, though accompanied by deep scars that run through my body with every breath that I take.

But I want to remember. Most of all, I don't want to walk away this time.